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My GF often mentions how her ex's were abusive and intimidating and that she loves me because I'm not that way.

Sloppyfart

Sloppyfart

Active member
My GF often mentions how her ex's were abusive and intimidating and that she loves me because I'm not that way.

Recently she said that she doesn't believe I could protect her because she does not think I am strong. She says when I don't flex my arms are soft (aren't most people's?)
That upset me because I want my partner to have that comfort and also because I know I could.

I was a bit of a ruffian when I was younger and known for being nice but vicious if you were on my bad side. I have not had a reason to flex that side of myself at all during our relationship. Long story short I know my past and my capabilities.
All of that was before she knew me. Since then I have been more focused on staying out of trouble and being a more even keeled guy and I feel she mistakes my kindness for weakness. She also points out when we got together her ex was coming up to my work and checking me out, unbeknownst to me, and I didn't confront him which makes her think I am afraid. That is absolutely not the case. It almost seems like she relates being strong and being able to fight/protect to only being traits of someone that intimidates her.
It is hard to digest as everyone who has known me throughout my life has looked at me as the passive guy who can handle himself. I know who and what I am but should I care about her perception? Should I even care what she thinks or to prove her wrong? Thoughts, comments?
 
Okay buddy,
Her perceptions are taught inputs from some social setting with a certain mode of thinking. Maybe get at least familiar with where her perceptions or thinking came from so you can be up to date on a current way of thinking that exists in today's world,. And then probably move on from her

You sound like you have a more secure idea of your self than someone who is always having to prove they are strong at all times, you already know your strong so you use it when you see it necessary, your not showing off all the time trying to force the idea your strong. You are, and you know the time and place to demonstrate that, if something warrants your attention.


If she is already judging you saying that your afraid cause you don't chase every car that turns around in your court in your neighborhood, you actually wait for people to get out of a car in your drive way before you get to curious about needing to defend your self to someone.

So she might work for them, but if she doubts you, shake her. She seem homeboy plotting on you something, don't bother with her, she probably likes dudes who act out probably used to it that's why she talks about it and judges you.


But you could stay with her stay regulated as yourself stay cool calm collected secure and keep her walking with you toward a normal life , if she wants to walk with you .

Have fun and stuff .

Programer 1. Vc
 
Programer 1 said:
Okay buddy,
Her perceptions are taught inputs from some social setting with a certain mode of thinking. Maybe get at least familiar with where her perceptions or thinking came from so you can be up to date on a current way of thinking that exists in today's world,. And then probably move on from her

You sound like you have a more secure idea of your self than someone who is always having to prove they are strong at all times, you already know your strong so you use it when you see it necessary, your not showing off all the time trying to force the idea your strong. You are, and you know the time and place to demonstrate that, if something warrants your attention.


If she is already judging you saying that your afraid cause you don't chase every car that turns around in your court in your neighborhood, you actually wait for people to get out of a car in your drive way before you get to curious about needing to defend your self to someone.

So she might work for them, but if she doubts you, shake her. She seem homeboy plotting on you something, don't bother with her, she probably likes dudes who act out probably used to it that's why she talks about it and judges you.


But you could stay with her stay regulated as yourself stay cool calm collected secure and keep her walking with you toward a normal life , if she wants to walk with you .

Have fun and stuff .

Programer 1. Vc
Click to expand...
Thank I will take your advice 🙏 she seems to want me to be hyper Musculine and wants me to jump into a fight with whoever. Just recently she got upset with me over not shouting at 3 men cat alling her.
 
Sloppyfart said:
My GF often mentions how her ex's were abusive and intimidating and that she loves me because I'm not that way.

Recently she said that she doesn't believe I could protect her because she does not think I am strong. She says when I don't flex my arms are soft (aren't most people's?)
That upset me because I want my partner to have that comfort and also because I know I could.

I was a bit of a ruffian when I was younger and known for being nice but vicious if you were on my bad side. I have not had a reason to flex that side of myself at all during our relationship. Long story short I know my past and my capabilities.
All of that was before she knew me. Since then I have been more focused on staying out of trouble and being a more even keeled guy and I feel she mistakes my kindness for weakness. She also points out when we got together her ex was coming up to my work and checking me out, unbeknownst to me, and I didn't confront him which makes her think I am afraid. That is absolutely not the case. It almost seems like she relates being strong and being able to fight/protect to only being traits of someone that intimidates her.
It is hard to digest as everyone who has known me throughout my life has looked at me as the passive guy who can handle himself. I know who and what I am but should I care about her perception? Should I even care what she thinks or to prove her wrong? Thoughts, comments?
Click to expand...
whoever be doing that to me i'd be like whats up in a tone tbh and if he gon be an asshole im ready to swing
 
Sloppyfart said:
My GF often mentions how her ex's were abusive and intimidating and that she loves me because I'm not that way.

Recently she said that she doesn't believe I could protect her because she does not think I am strong. She says when I don't flex my arms are soft (aren't most people's?)
That upset me because I want my partner to have that comfort and also because I know I could.

I was a bit of a ruffian when I was younger and known for being nice but vicious if you were on my bad side. I have not had a reason to flex that side of myself at all during our relationship. Long story short I know my past and my capabilities.
All of that was before she knew me. Since then I have been more focused on staying out of trouble and being a more even keeled guy and I feel she mistakes my kindness for weakness. She also points out when we got together her ex was coming up to my work and checking me out, unbeknownst to me, and I didn't confront him which makes her think I am afraid. That is absolutely not the case. It almost seems like she relates being strong and being able to fight/protect to only being traits of someone that intimidates her.
It is hard to digest as everyone who has known me throughout my life has looked at me as the passive guy who can handle himself. I know who and what I am but should I care about her perception? Should I even care what she thinks or to prove her wrong? Thoughts, comments?
Click to expand...
Lol how old is she ?
No one has anything to prove especially violence it's just silly
 
Sloppyfart said:
My GF often mentions how her ex's were abusive and intimidating and that she loves me because I'm not that way.

Recently she said that she doesn't believe I could protect her because she does not think I am strong. She says when I don't flex my arms are soft (aren't most people's?)
That upset me because I want my partner to have that comfort and also because I know I could.

I was a bit of a ruffian when I was younger and known for being nice but vicious if you were on my bad side. I have not had a reason to flex that side of myself at all during our relationship. Long story short I know my past and my capabilities.
All of that was before she knew me. Since then I have been more focused on staying out of trouble and being a more even keeled guy and I feel she mistakes my kindness for weakness. She also points out when we got together her ex was coming up to my work and checking me out, unbeknownst to me, and I didn't confront him which makes her think I am afraid. That is absolutely not the case. It almost seems like she relates being strong and being able to fight/protect to only being traits of someone that intimidates her.
It is hard to digest as everyone who has known me throughout my life has looked at me as the passive guy who can handle himself. I know who and what I am but should I care about her perception? Should I even care what she thinks or to prove her wrong? Thoughts, comments?
Click to expand...
Some girls call this being toxic and girls love it. Some girls want their buddies to be soft but want their partners to be intimidating to others. Always not react based on what they say, but how they act when with you
 
Hi,

If it wasn’t for someone you care about, I believe that her thoughts on your “strength” would not be of any concern.

Thing is that being strong is not always what you do, it’s sometimes about restraint which I believe according to what you have said, is one of your strong points. Who cares about how much mussel you have in your arms if you are not gunna do heavy weight lifting lol.

I believe this person may currently be more interested in superficial issues or issues that are not important.

You should definitely remain secure in the right understanding that you hold, regardless of her view. If it’s a problem for her, and she is not happy, then that will probably mean you won’t be able to be happy with her as you could be with someone else.

If that is the case, saying good bye to her and hello to someone else may be best.

Am sorry for the late advice lol.

Best regards on this matter though 🙂.
 
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